Tragedy forces introspection. Whether it’s identifying with prevailing circumstances or trying to understand the reasoning behind an individual’s destructive behavior, we all turn on the narcissist in ourselves by making the experience personal. I should have seen that coming. Why didn’t I do that differently? How come they checked in to see how I was doing, but couldn’t come to me for help in return? We feel a need to make things about ourselves, despite the fact that the particular event probably had little, if nothing, to do with us.
And I had no different a reaction to hearing about the death of my business leader and mentor on that tragic Friday morning weeks ago. I’d be lying if I said my first major reaction wasn’t “fuck you Casoni … thanks for being such a selfish bloody arsehole and leaving the rest of us to deal with your aftermath! because that was exactly my first reaction after the initial shock subsided. And then The Questions began to arise. “What could possibly have happened to such a overtly positive, energetic and relentlessly passionate individual with so much going right in his life that could force him to take his life?” I’ll never really know the answer to that question because in the end, we all have a dark side that nobody but ourselves has visibility to. After a lot of internal contemplation, and conversation, I’ve realized that I really do not need to know - it’s a detail that simply does not matter once a person is gone because you can no longer reason with them about their impending behavior.
What does matter, to me, is how you honor a person’s legacy once they are gone. People come into our lives, and the truly great ones are able to sculpt a certain part of us in their image. We all become who we are as a result of our closest relationships with those with whom we chose to surround ourselves most. After all, an important part about human interaction is that others make us question our values, ideas, and behaviors. If we agree with our companions, we become better people because of our newfound knowledge. If we do not, it strengthens our own beliefs and makes us more resilient to outside influence – it helps us stand our ground. Either way we’re better off because of the experience. It’s tragic that sometimes death becomes the teacher. But, even in death, there are lessons to be learned and it can make you stronger as long you do not allow yourself to be consumed by surrounding negative energy. It’s in reflecting about all the lessons learned over the past year that I find solace in the face of tragedy. I am a more educated, stronger-minded, and ultimately a better person as a result of my time with him. I think that his ego would find reward in knowing that I will continue to grow now that he is gone.
A good friend and confidante recently shared some words with me that ring very true to the positive attitude I have been trying to take the past through weeks. They come via a man named Neil Pasricha, author of the book AWESOME. Neil preaches the 3 A’s of Awesome: Attitude, Awareness an Authenticity. My focus the past few weeks has been on the first – the idea that your attitude shapes the way you see the world, and in turn, the way others see you. You have two choices when faced with the aftermath of tragedy; you can wallow in pity and in grieving, or you can celebrate a persons’ existence and all that they brought into your life. Sure, there is a time for grieving and it must be observed. But the faster you move through that stage and on to the positive aspects surrounding any situation, the better you are. The positive energy you put out also helps others move through their loss.
Introspection has forced me to realize what is truly important to me – and that is to enjoy everything to it’s fullest, to realize what I truly value in this world, and to not allow my life to be swayed in a direction that I do not wish it to go. I am a stronger person as a result of a very tragic occurrence – and for that, Andrea, I thank you…
Neil Pasricha: The 3 A's of awesome | Video on TED.com
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